Whilst my ride today was neither all that fast, far or strenuous, it was damned important. Why?
Well I've struggled to acknowledge, let alone articulate it, but essentially six months ago, possibly prior to that even, I was severely bitten by "The Black Dog" and unlike rabies which can be cured with a course of injections, depression is not so easy to fix.
Well I've struggled to acknowledge, let alone articulate it, but essentially six months ago, possibly prior to that even, I was severely bitten by "The Black Dog" and unlike rabies which can be cured with a course of injections, depression is not so easy to fix.
The Anniversary Trail which is also known as the Outer Circle Trail.
It's part of a bike path I used to ride as a teenager.
Scotchman's Creek Trail
I suspect that's part of the appeal for cycling through Europe. Something that I have been umming & ahhing about since late last year, ever since I very first contemplated, went public about it.
On the one hand, it represents an opportunity to catch up with a few friends, fulfill some goals and possibly regenerate a sense of self-confidence, self-worth and to locate the "Life Reset" button and with it a purpose to keep on living.
On the other hand, it is somewhat of a financial and possibly life changing gamble, given that I am somewhat emotionally attached "stuck" to the area in which I grew up, an area I love so much. An area with which I have such an affinity, some really wonderful memories, along with a number of good friends along with some great bike paths. All of which makes it hard to move on.....
Jells Park
At the end of the day however, with the colder months now hitting Melbourne and the sun beginning to shine across Europe, something that one cannot help but notice from watching the Giro d'Italia, I suspect it's now or never......
I realise that in many many respects, this represents a leap into the great unknown with some fairly significant downsides, given that it will probably require me to move / downsize, irrespective of what I find "out there".
But I have to do it, because remaining in self imposed solitary confinement as I have done, these last few months is not healthy.
Koonung Creek Trail
Finally, on a slightly different but aligned note, to those of you who’s emails, phone calls or otherwise I haven’t returned, I apologize.
I sometimes find, and I suspect I'm not alone in this regard, for modern day living to be very challenging or scary at times.
Whether it's my obsession with keeping up with world news, my overthinking issues or my simply worrying too much about the future, in terms of leaving a legacy and / or knowing how things can unfold in old age*, or a combination of all of the above, I don't know...
What I do know however is that acknowledging that life hasn't perhaps unfolded in the way I would have liked or could ever have possibly envisaged, not that I'd necessarily change what I've done / experienced, talking about it, is just too damned confronting.
Whilst it probably sounds like an excuse, it is part of the reason I can't / won't answer the phone (it sits uncharged, unused for weeks at a time) and have difficulty responding to "How's things" type emails, etc, at times.....
Now all of that said. Being as innocent & naive as I am in some respects, yet far wiser than I should be (for my age at least) in regards to others, I'm hoping this gamble pays off, cause I don't know that I like where the "remain in Melbourne" path may lead.....
It's time to move on and start life anew. As I should have done when I first got back from South America.
In closing, all I can say is - please don't give up, I do appreciate your emails, etc.
Who knows, one day, hopefully you'll receive a postcard in the mail, (I'm old school like that) to say, I've re-discovered my MOJO and am now living who knows where in the world, and would love to have you visit.
* Seriously - when you have spent as much time as I have in hospitals, nursing homes, etc, looking after a loved one, you can understand why some people refer to nursing homes as "God's Waiting Room" and fight their families about entering one. You can also begin to understand why as age & the frailties of life set in, some decide to take the peaceful pill.
QUALITY BEATS QUANTITY ANY DAY!
Well at least in my book and that's when you do have a loving caring family around you, and I don't!
I sometimes find, and I suspect I'm not alone in this regard, for modern day living to be very challenging or scary at times.
Whether it's my obsession with keeping up with world news, my overthinking issues or my simply worrying too much about the future, in terms of leaving a legacy and / or knowing how things can unfold in old age*, or a combination of all of the above, I don't know...
What I do know however is that acknowledging that life hasn't perhaps unfolded in the way I would have liked or could ever have possibly envisaged, not that I'd necessarily change what I've done / experienced, talking about it, is just too damned confronting.
Whilst it probably sounds like an excuse, it is part of the reason I can't / won't answer the phone (it sits uncharged, unused for weeks at a time) and have difficulty responding to "How's things" type emails, etc, at times.....
Now all of that said. Being as innocent & naive as I am in some respects, yet far wiser than I should be (for my age at least) in regards to others, I'm hoping this gamble pays off, cause I don't know that I like where the "remain in Melbourne" path may lead.....
It's time to move on and start life anew. As I should have done when I first got back from South America.
In closing, all I can say is - please don't give up, I do appreciate your emails, etc.
Who knows, one day, hopefully you'll receive a postcard in the mail, (I'm old school like that) to say, I've re-discovered my MOJO and am now living who knows where in the world, and would love to have you visit.
* Seriously - when you have spent as much time as I have in hospitals, nursing homes, etc, looking after a loved one, you can understand why some people refer to nursing homes as "God's Waiting Room" and fight their families about entering one. You can also begin to understand why as age & the frailties of life set in, some decide to take the peaceful pill.
QUALITY BEATS QUANTITY ANY DAY!
Well at least in my book and that's when you do have a loving caring family around you, and I don't!
